QUOTESatthedisco's Xanga

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 01:28:31 GMT

OKAYY.. so what's it been, like five months? you all probably don't even remember me haha.. but i was at work the other day and i was like "wow i remember that quote site, i miss that!".. so i've decided to update (: and the bolding shit isn't going to work because i'm using my macbook pro/firefox and for some reason it never works, but yeah, you know (:

here comes goodbye,
here comes the last time,
here comes the start of every sleepless night,
the first of every tear i'm gonna cry.
here comes the pain,
here comes me wishing things would never change,
and she was right here in my arms tonight,
but here comes goodbye.

i watched you change with the seasons.
i wrote you letters but i forgot to mention that,
i'm a wreck, i'm a mess, you're a stranger.

Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain
Let her go, let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be

don't you dare tell me i am the reason we are here.
i spend enough sleepless nights in this bed,
to know this isn't just all in my head.

Remember those walls I built?
Well baby, they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. You'll have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom fall from your branches, you'll find out that you were one tree, not two.

And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you
You don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?

and i know it's easy to say, but it's harder to feel this way. i miss you more than i should, than i thought i could. can't get my mind off of you, and i hate the phone, but i wish you'd call.

believe in me
i know you've waited for so long
believe in me
sometimes the weak become the strong

In the air I flew.
Through the clouds I fall.
And all the things I've tried to say,
were never easy to explain.
They were always meant for you.
And all the memories that were made
for years and years, I've chased this day.
They were always for you
Always for you.

The words I have to say
May well be simple but they're true
Until you give your love
there's nothing more that we can do.

And all you said in your quietest voice
Was "I needed you as much as they do"

When I saw you last night
I wanted to say, run away with me
Away from the cynics
That this could be the start of
Something truly real...
But all that I could say was "hey"

you haven't found it baby, that's for sure
You rip me up and spread me all around
in the dust of the deed of time
And this is not a case of lust, you see
it's not a matter of you versus of me
It's fine the way you want me on your own
but in the end it's always me alone

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing toothache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore
Drain the pressure from the swelling,
This sensation's overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing

There's something in your eyes
Is everything all right?
You look up to the sky
You long for something more, Darlin'
Give me your right hand
I think I understand, follow me
And you will never have to wish again

"I think sometimes you love someone so much you have to be numb to it, because if you actually felt how much you loved them, it would kill you."

I hope he never hurts you like I know I hurt you
but I was undecided and it was all that I could do
but if he says he loves you like I know I loved you
then there's a way to trust him, and I'll get over you.

I won't face another day
I won't wait until tomorrow
I won't spend another night without you
let me carry you away
let me wake you every morning
let me wander every day beside you.

all the sadness you carried inside
you never showed it, it was easy to hide
you'd tell your stories in all their sorrow
you'd take the stage like there was no tomorrow.

i wake up to find it's another four aspirin morning, and i dive in. i put on the same clothes i wore yesterday. when did society decide that we had to change and wash a t-shirt after every individual use? if it's not dirty, i'm gonna wear it. i take the stairs to the car and there's fog on the windows. i need caffeine in my bloodstream. i take caffeine in the bloodstream. i grip the wheel and all at once i realize: my life has become a boring pop song and everyone's singing along.

I am standing right here
on a dock that you built.
I will try not to look at your face
because all that is in you radiates.
And it’s more,
it is more than i’ll take.

I think I'll go out and embarrass myself
by getting drunk and falling down in the street.
You say I choose sadness,
that it never once has chosen me.
Maybe you're right.

when i got off the plane, after eleven hours of travel and forty years away, the man took my passport and asked me the purpose of my visit, i wrote in my daybook, "to mourn," and then "to mourn try to live," he gave me a look and asked if i would consider that business or pleasure, i wrote, "neither." "for how long do you plan to mourn and try to live?" i wrote, "for the rest of my life"

I can’t hurt you even though you hurt me
You’re gonna be in the emergency room
Tryin to call a nurse but nobody can help you now
Let me see you try to live without me
Now where’s your heartbeat
Flat line on the EKG

Fear for the worst, I can't catch my breath.
My heart beats to the sound of unrest.
Pulse racing high, my thoughts are so low.
Reach out my hand, but there's no one to hold.

Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong visceral connection to it, you know? Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in your or the world, that one song says the same, just like that moment.

I know every word that we said
was what we both meant
Well, we meant it at the time.

if you're a bird then i'm a bird
but if you can't fly then neither will i
cause "in love" is not the right time to die

And I ran off and ran on to something that I swore was everything but beautiful. I only say that word for you. 'Cause I can feel your pain, in my bones, in my bones. And I can feel your pain, deep in my bones, deep in my bones. And hallelujah to the one in our bones. And hallelujah to the one that we love.

i wish i was your favorite girl. i wish you thought i was the reason you are in the world. i wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile. i wish the way that i dressed was your favorite kind of style. i wish you couldn't figure me out. but you always wanna know what i was about. i wish you'd hold my hand when i was upset. i wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met. i wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly cause it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see. i wish that you needed me. i wish that you knew when i said two sugars, actually, i meant three. i wish i was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

I'm shyer than your share of men.
I'd be honored to be one of them.
You're a fool for the wounded.
I'm a man in need of bandages.
So, wrap me up and take me home.

What is there to write? What is there to say?
Same things happen everyday,
not a thing to write, not a thing to say.
So I take my pen in hand and start the same old way:
Dear, I thought I'd drop a line.
The weather's cool, the folks are fine.
I'm in bed each night at nine,
PS. I love you.
Yesterday we had some rain but all in all,
I can't complain. Was it dusty on the train?
PS. I love you.
Nothing else to tell you dear except each day seems like a year.
Every night I'm dreaming of you.
PS. I love you.

At what age can I choose how to live? The only real drug problem is scoring real good drugs. Haven't we learned our lesson? The corner store has the finest scotch, but who's got the uncut powder? We just want what is ours: dignity. If God created plants and buds that I find and abuse, then who the fuck are you to judge me?

When in some motel we're lying, I can barely whisper, 'It's like dying. Baby, do you know what I mean? Baby, did you hear me? Baby, you fell asleep.' I know I'm weak. I don't deny we'll see our trial some day soon, but when we know we're fucked,I'll halve the pile and share my pills with you. 'Cause we've felt fully in our bodies, and we've felt totally alive.

tell me you care,
tell me you're listening,
tell me that it's me that you are missing.
your answer is long overdue,
tell me that it's true,
that i've got you.

sooo, i've been amazing! (: minus nick's ex girlfriend? whom may i say (excuse my language but i hate the bitch) is a fat cunt. she would steal all of my font colours and shit, and it got to the point where nick's friends were noticing. he confronted her about it and she started going on about how he shouldn't start shit with her because "she can end our relationship like that" HAHA. too bad i was told by someone who works with someone who knows fat cunt personally and said that "she's psycho, she's been obsessed with nick for the past three and a half years and still cries about him and shit" o and she managed to block my aim when she told nick "she didn't have me on any of her shit" lol, love liars.
i know exactly what she's doing because i used to do the same thing. and if i ever see her in public i'll punch her in the head...
unless anyone has any other advice for that situation, lol.

but yeah, other than that, amazing! (:
how are you all? hope you're all fantastic <3

Friday, August 01, 2008

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 17:04:24 GMT

I haven't updated in like three months and I am so sorry... ):

"Love is a form of prejudice. You love what you need, you love what makes you feel good, you love what is convenient. How can you say you love one person when there are ten thousand people in the world that you would love more if you ever met them? But you'll never meet them."

i made a wish on a million of the stars,
registered your name on a few.
that way, if you ever forget who you are,
you can look up and see a picture of you.

you're built from distraction
so brilliantly dull

and we can laugh all we want,
know it's your favorite.
and i'll stare at you all i can,
cause you...you're my favorite.

and when you find everthing you looked for,
i hope your life leads you back to my door,
ohh but if it don't,
stay beautiful.

i remember the first time we danced
i remember tunneling through the snow like ants
what i don't recall is why i said
i simply can't sleep in this tiny bed with you, anymore

"This is love, isn't it? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?"

i hope you remember me when you’re homesick and need a change. i miss your purple hair, i miss the way you taste. i know you’ll come back someday, on a bed of nails i wait. i’m praying that you don’t burn out or fade away.

Do you remember our first subway ride?
Our last swim on the east coast?
I remember your warm smile in the sun,
The daydreaming boy without a shirt on.

Empty hallways, you can't get to me. Open doorways, but you're still searching for your keys. And I can't open the ears for which I sing. So I'll just pass along, and baby, you'll start to hear me.

You insist on explaining the obvious when it's pointless. And I'm heartless for saying what's really on our minds. Your words go to rhythm, while mine go to rhyme. You were never good with syllables and half heartfelt lines.

This is when you start to shake. This is when you start to stutter. This is when you say I love you. This is when you swear it was only for each other.

all the stars up in the sky, and the leaves in the trees, all the broken bits that make you jump up, and grassy bits in between, all the matter in the world is how much i like you

I cannot refuse your eyes
Please don't look at me tonight
My heart beats fast, I know you're there
I pretend like I don't care

Cause if you jump I will jump too. We will fall together from the building's ledge, never looking back at what we've done. We'll say it was love cause I would die for you.

We're friends, real friends.
And that means no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back,
I'll be here.

we'd meet up at night pretty late by the falls. talked too fast without regret with headlights and stars, it was brighter than the daylight.

"'Cheers!' she said, lifting her glass.
'Cheers,' I said, lifting mine.
We clicked glasses, then drank them off
as the ambulance backed out,
turned south, siren on.
It just wasn't our turn yet."

for nobody else, gave me a thrill
with all your faults, i love you still.
it had to be you, wonderful you
it had to be you.

Yeah, don't degrade yourself the way that I do cause you don't depend upon all the shit that I use to make my moods improve.

the last time i saw you, you were standing by his side. the last time you saw me was in a crumpled photograph that missed the bin.

I have no patience for hypocrites,
have no patience for fakes.
I have no patience for those who make my same mistakes.
So, hold me.

I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the rush of your skin
I miss the still of the silence
as you breathe out and I breathe in

she always said i was too silent, and i never found the words to entertain her, maybe i tried too hard to always be clever while she only stopped for simple words to keep her safe, to keep her safe. maybe, maybe if i can see you now, i'll find a way to sing somehow, something to make you stay so wide awake somehow.

please show me something that can shake my bones.
i want to feel the fear rush through my veins.
my hands are cold from holding on to hopes.

back at the homestead
where the air makes you choke
and people don't know you
and trust is a joke
we don't even have pictures
just memories to hold
that grow sweeter each season
as we slowly grow old

i starting sending you a note
oh how i hope that you're happy
i hear you're somewhere in the sand
and how i wish i was an ocean
maybe then,
i'd get to see you again

you know me, or you think you do
you just don’t seem to see
i’ve been waiting all this time to be
something i can’t define

you meant to make me happy, make me sad.
want to make it better, better so bad.
but save your resolutions for your never new year.
there is only one solution i can see here.

cause if your love is all i had in this life
well that would be enough until the end of time
so rest your weary heart and relax your mind
cause i’m gonna love you girl until the end of time

who doesn't long for,
someone to hold.
who knows how to love you
without being told.

you have my attention
like you've had all the while
since that first day when you made my heart smile
with loving eyes and tired sighs that flow
you have my attention
like a shout through an empty sanctuary
speak but a whisper, i'll hear a sermon

i like the way you like me best. i like the way you're not impressed while you put me to the test.

And when you're holding me
we make a pair of parentheses.
There's plenty space to encase
whatever weird way my mind goes,
I know I’ll be safe in these arms.

This town will never see it coming.
Dressed like that you’d get away with murder
Ditch the car and hit the ground running
This is just a taste of summer

hold on, baby, you're losing it
the water's high, you're jumping into it
and letting go, and no one knows that
you cry, but you don't tell anyone
that you might not be the golden one
and you're tied together with a smile
but you're coming undone

Don't ever part your lips
Instead just follow my lead
And focus on the rhythm of my hips
Fingertips say more than I ever could

eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good and starts to hurt. they say if you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. but how do you know when you're there? because no matter how badly something hurts us, sometimes, letting go hurts even more.

you’re so good at making bad decisions, but even better at burning bridges.

Being taken for granted can be a compliment.
It means that you've become a comfortable
trusted element in another person's life.

you're in my arms
and all the world is calm
the music playing on for only two
so close together
and when i'm with you
so close to feeling alive

twisting heartache into fine, little pieces that avoid an awful crime but it's you i can't deny.

you've got to show her you need her
don't treat her like a mind reader
each day do something to need her
to believe you love her

You can't break my heart, it's liquid.
It melted when I met you.

Me and my friends,
We don't encourage discipline
Or really much of anything
We do our drugs to wheel it up
And tell ourselves that this is love
But it's never added up
And it'll never be enough
No it'll never be enough

play me a sad song because that’s what i want to hear, i want you to make me cry. i want to remember the places that we left, lost to the mists of time. i know that you’ll go soon. you’ll find out so take me with you always

Please baby you're scaring me now
I knew I'd end up letting you down.

i spend entire days in this bed too small for two
on these pillows that you can’t get used to
and that’s why i don’t sleep at night
and that’s why i don’t feel right in this city
it’s more me than you

it's what you do, not what you say
that keeps you one step away.
am i that easy to forget?

just because i'm hurting
doesn't mean i'm hurt
doesn't mean i didn't get what i deserve
no better and no worse

maybe you'd sing and put words to all the things
that you think of in a day but have forgotten how to say
nothing lasts forever, not even the mountains,
someday they will be swept away and swallowed by the sea.

breathe in and softly release it, i won't let you go.
i think i know what you won't tell me
i've got this figured out and then you,
you go and change it. you go and change it.

i've reached the point where all i want
is to sleep around in hopes that i will catch back up.
we are parallel lines, we're running in circles
we're never meant to cross.

sometimes i close my eyes
and imagine you with me
chasing passion into the night
all tangled in a dream

don't blink, don't close your eyes.
and most of all don't apologize
it's me who's got the demons to wrestle now
there's a patch of blue in a stormy sky
a memory of a brighter time
when everything was new, and less watered down.
before the summer turned to brown.

i'm tired of singing all the sad songs in my head
but i can't find enough of anything to drown out what you said.

don't be afraid should things happen to change, because change can be a beautiful thing. life is loving and letting go.

i will never love you more than woody allen movies.
i will never love you more than god only knows.
i will never you more than dvd nights with my girlfriend.
where we talk about stupid things like feelings and men.
i will never love you more than my boyfriend when i was fourteen
even if he's now an asshole,
i will never love you more.

right now i am complicated.
right now i am giving this heart away.
how i wish i could just keep turning back time.
right now i'm the walking wounded.
mind set on getting out alive.

instead of beating me up, you should be giving me hope.
instead of bringing me down, you should be lifting me up.
instead of starting a fire, you should be heating things up.
i'd never leave you there, screaming for my love.

Commmentt and subscribe (:

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 19:29:37 GMT

Ah update time! This update's probably not as long as usuall and I made all the quotes not like.. Spaced out because I like the way legnthly paragraphs and shit look with this layout.. I'm silly. I probably won't do that any more though because it takes way too much effort, haha.. But yeah. (:

I had tangles in my hair. But you make me feel so pretty.

Your face it dances and it haunts me. Your laughter's still ringing in my ears. I still find pieces of your presence here, even after all these years.

From her lips I heard her say, "Can I have you?" Caught up on what to say, I said, "you do"

Been alone since you were twenty-one, you haven't laughed since January. You try and make like this is so much fun, but we know it to be quite contrary.

If you were here you'd realize what you did stay for a million years, I’d make you cry my tears. But you're not here and I’m not strong, and this old thing's gone on too long. I need to leave this on my shelf, but instead I say it to myself.

But you are what you love, and not what loves you back. I’m in love with illusion so saw me in half. I’m in love with tricks so pull another rabbit out your hat.

I just keep waiting for something to happen. Waiting for somebody to come walking in, somebody as perfect as you were, so I can try it again. But chances are so hard to come by and the second one is impossible to find.

I wake up in tear drops, they fall down like rain. I put on that old song we danced to and then I head off to my job, guess not much has changed.

Before you come back next, I will prepare the rifle, and we will hunt for those with no dreams

It’s a march to extinction, with your god in step. It’s his name on your mouth; it’s his cross on your neck. It’s a farm boy sprinting over desert dirt; & he’s panting the “Our Father” in staccato spurts. It’s his automatic rifle and it tells no lies, that there’s truth in your stomach there’s no alibi. But the trouble lies on the other side, with an equal truth prepping for his holy night. See the crescent and the star blinking in the virgin sky, here’s the call of milk and honey from the afterlife. As he eases to the checkpoint he is calm and sure, that collateral damage is the cost of war. It’s another bag of bones for the gods to sort.

I want to run but only far enough to make you miss me. I want to take back all the shit that I have done but I guess you were better off without me.

I think I’ll go out and embarrass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street. You say I choose sadness, that it never once has chosen me. Maybe you're right.

I’ll teach you how to swim if you turn the bad in me to good again.

Everything I love gets lost in drawers.

And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.

You can't navigate me. I might do mean things and I might hurt you and I might run away without your permission and you might hate me forever, and I know that that scares the shit out of you, because I’m the only real thing that you have.

I would spend a lifetime trying to figure out how to make my heart stop beating. I would spend a lifetime trying to figure out how to make myself stop breathing.

For a second there I thought you disappeared. It rains a lot this time of year. And we both go together if one falls down. I talk out loud like you're still around.

"There's a big difference, I discovered, between wanting to die and not wanting to live"

I hate how after a fight, it takes so long to go back to how things used to be, and how sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you'll never go back to how it used to be.

Alone in the city and she's only seventeen. The boy left her black and blue in the street so mean. Just twelve weeks along and she's got a life inside, says she's never, ever felt so alone.

Well maybe you should just drink a lot less coffee and never ever watch the ten o'clock news, and maybe you should kiss someone nice.

"People like me don't have best friends. You can't trust me, and I won't let you. I won't get close to you because I’m afraid of losing you. I’ll protect you from me and protect me from myself by avoiding confrontation, which will lead us to a falling out, inevitably. I will keep secrets from you and tell your secrets to people you hate in order to push you away. I’ll do anything to keep myself from getting attached to you because I’ve been there before and I don't want to go back to being dependent on anyone."

What value would there be in life if we are not together?

We make believe every day, we make our lives seem like they're still worth living, when we find out in the end it's only us that we've been kidding.

I marveled at how fast old loyalties, ones that took years to build, could be ripped apart and replaced. I knew I had lost him, but I felt desperate to recruit a small piece of his heart back to me. Make him feel a sliver of what he used to feel for me.

And I recall how you sat on the same side of me, it really seems that you'll always be on my side. You’re my best side.

I left you waiting, at the least could we be friends? Should have never started.. Ain't that the way it always ends?

It’s been a few years and I miss you still. I got your picture on the window sill. Been thinking of ways, I got days to fill. Don’t think I ever will. Hold on to things you can't explain. Hold on to dancing in the rain. Hold on to kisses on the lips. Savor every sweet moment, 'cause baby this is it. So hold on, hold on. I’ve been cleaning up this mess, found an old metal box with some black and white photographs. A little faded but baby you still sure do look good in that old dress. Didn’t we wish we were superstars? Sign our names in the dust on your family car. We’d be waving to the crowd, you be the diva, and I’ll play guitar. Hold on to things you want to be. Hold on to friends and family. Hold on to burning the summer sun, it makes a difference everyone. Hold on, hold on.

Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders. Well, don't you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder?

I’ll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about. And she's got everything that I have to live without.

I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me.

And if you ask me if I love him, I’d lie.

I know you'd rather see me gone than to see me the way that I am but I am in the life anyway

Well, can't you just leave me alone? You’ve already thrown all the sticks and stones you had to send my way. Well, can't you just leave it at that and spare us both the bother? Because I just bounce back anyway.

I waited for a bus to separate the both of us, and take me off, far away from you 'cause my feelings never change a bit. I always feel like shit. I don't know why. I guess that I just do. You once talked to me about love, and you painted pictures of a never never land and I could have gone to that place.

Let’s turn the record over. Your life's a pleasant valley. Moonlight drives. A garden in the sun. Your shadow stays behind me, graceful as a dancer in a ballet.

When there is nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire

I know it's late, I need you to open my chest, my chest. Fix whatever you need to be fixed. So long as I can hold you, breathe in rhythm with you. It’s all that I’ve waited for.

And it’s not a party, if it happens every night. I’m running on empty, you're running out of luck. So let’s ditch this city, before we sober up.

We can't talk like we used to, there's just some things we can't say.

Eviscerated the love I thought we had. I won't make it back. These words are stronger than the promise you forgot we had.

I’m starting with the man in mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways. No message could've been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make the change.

Life's been good. Way good. I can't believe how silly I was to be stuck on Mike like that.. Such a silly one I was. I feel like I've matured, even over the course of a few months.. I just feel amazing. I've never felt this way. Nick makes me feel like I'm floating by, day to day.. But it's good. And I've strayed away from the drugs and parties and shit.. Sure I'll do it once in a while, like last weekend was the first time in like 2 months that I touched alcohol or weed.. Life's just good. And like I said before, I'm gonna try and get back into this.

Hope everyone's doing lovely. Comments are nice <3 (:

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:10:10 GMT

I miss updating this site.. I'm so sorry for lacking.. It's been almost 2 months.. ): .. I'm sorry, really. I'd usually update when I was at my mom's, but now when I'm there my time is consumed by Nick... I promise I'll start getting an update ready and try and have it by Thursday...? Really.. I'll get back into this, promise. (: Hope everyone's doing good <3

Friday, February 08, 2008

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 20:31:52 GMT

UPDATE! Finallly! (:

girl, i'm sorry but i'm leaving.
we're both at fault,
we're both to blame.
and it wasn't the other men
cause there were other women.
this just isn't love,
it's just the remorse of a loss of a feeling.
even if i stayed,
it just wouldn't be the same.

i work backwards from nowhere
don't opposites attract?
i've got no friends and blank stares
that could make my heart attack

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them then they're right, you believe less so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

she knew the well was far too deep
for him to wet his lips
but something told her that he spoke
of so much more than all of this

they can take, take, take the kids from the summer
but they'll never, never, never take the summer from me.

we're supposed to love everyone
but things start to get confused
when it comes to the human mind
and people start dropping bombs
like 'today is too late' or 'farewell old friend'
and god damn i just want to feel a little safe

"You see, . . . you closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too — even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling"

august, august of last year
before the leaves disappeared
you told me you were not the one.
in august, something in your eyes
or was it that july?
told me not to take it to heart

you are new and near now to someone you used to love
when you were young; when all was gold and you two touched
and felt the flutter underneath your skin. you stood in glowing
rooms, the light dripping from both of you.
and nothing since has felt as radiant or real.

Let's go, I just wanna let you know,
This situation leaves me outta breath
We'll drive till the love that's in your eyes,
Drops to the ground,unravels like a thread
I know that you really wanna go,
I only think about her, must get to her, cannot lose her.
You know that I will not let this die

And if yesterday night you would have cared to come, I still would have felt alone. Though you would have been lying next to me, I still would have felt alone.

And God it hurts me to think of you for the light in your eyes was gone
sometimes I don't know why this old world can't leave well enough alone

how long can i count to a thousand?
i tried drinking but the bottle is still empty, i can only hope for a fresh one
you tried loving but i guess you could not love me
how long can you count to a thousand?

She says baby
"It's 3 am I must be lonely"
When she says baby
"Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes."

I hate to break it to you but if apathy defines my generation, yours is defined by disappointing us to where we don't even see the point anymore. The best minds of your generation gave up a long time ago

I mean, I spent years and years and years convincing myself that these puzzle pieces added up to a flower, and it wasn't at all. And once I woke up, I realized: 'How do I trust other pieces? How do I take new pieces and put them together with this much, you know, vigor that I once did, because, what if they're not a flower either?

you pull back your curtains
and the sun burns into your eyes.
you watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky.
this is the day your life will surely change.
this is the day when things fall into place.

and when we got there, this is what she said to me:
"love and war, in heaven and in hell.
you get what you deserve. you'd better spend it well.
all is fair in love and war and love,
a civil war like this, it always sells itself."

I never thought that love could come true.
Driving 'round the city in your car,
Down low in the seat,
Coming home and getting into bed,
Smiling in your sleep.
I'll never love no one the way I loved you.
You've never loved no one, have you?

to walk within the lines, would make my life so boring. i want to know that i have been to the extreme. so knock me off my feet. c'mon now give it too me. anything to make me feel alive.

When I'm with anybody else it's
so hard to be myself.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.

I'll find your hand and trace it with mine.
As we push away with everything we have...
With everything we have left.

so leave me alone again and take me for
granted, take every little piece you can
get your hands on, get a hold on.

It is not true, what they say about writing being the next best thing to being there. For days I stared at that postcard and touched it in all the places I imagined you had, when you wrote the address and affited the stamp and what have you, but never once did I feel like I'd found you again.

How could you believe in someone sorry sad like me
I know the deal and I thank you anyways
And if you leave, you know I'm crawlin' at your feet
You never get weak when I'm leaning hard on you
And I guess that's just the way you are.

The door slams I wake up
Another illusion I have made of this
I cry, I swept away every tear that I've cried
And I swear this was your choice
So save me from falling with the sound of your voice.

sometimes, people are like god, and they really don't exist. unless you aim for my heart, you will always miss.

if you don't know, honey
why don't you just say so
'cause i need this now,
more than i ever did
if you don't,
well, honey, then you don't

wouldn't trade anything
you're still my everything

this place feels so unfamiliar,
yet i know it well.
i think i used to belong here,
but the only way i can tell
is that i miss you still
and i cannot find you here.

i love how your eyes close
whenever you kiss me
and when i'm away from you
i love how you miss me
i love the way your kiss is always heavenly
but darling, most of all
i love how you love me

I cannot find the heart I gave to you.
Sometimes what we think we really want we don't.
Sometimes what we think we want we really don't.
Sometimes what we think we love we don't.

And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room,
when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.

i talked so much, i'm sure
i didn't realize i'd gone crazy.
didn't catch my bloody nose
or that my heart tried to explode.
i still live with my high school friends,
some people never change at all.
we're still the same compulsive drunks
we were when we were small.
someone get this man to a hospital

if i find my way through the darkest of days,
will i laugh about the things that kept me awake?
if my greatest fear paints itself so crystal clear,
will i run away or will i hide?

she said, 'if we're gonna make this work,
you gotta let me inside even though it hurts.
don't hide the broken parts that i need to see.'
she said, 'like it or not it's the way it's gotta be,
you gotta love yourself if you can ever love me.'

i've never wanted you so much as i do right now.
i can't believe this is happening to me.

can someone please just shake the lies out of me?
it seems that every word i say don't mean a thing.

i'll make sure everything is alright.
sit tight. don't you say a word.
see the earth turn. take a breath,
and stare like you have
never, ever seen the world.

she said "i'm so much better"
blue font and big bold letters.
and i would be lying if i said i didn't care.

You do not know how much this hurts me
To say these things that I don't want to say
But have to say them anyway
I would do anything to end your suffering
But you would rather walk away

just give me a scene where the music is free
and the beer isn't the life of the party.

And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all

if asked what I thought I knew, you know I'd say
just love and be loved in return
i stole that but it's okay, it's true

You can write my place
Out of the life you make
And all the things that mattered
When you knew my face
Cross off all the ways I failed you
Cause I failed you
But I'm still in your blood
You're still in my blood

Because as we all know, that's what really matters. In a scene where the music has taken a backseat to the haircuts, you win and I lose.

breakfast of two valium and the rest of them rattling in your pocket, walking down the street to your work. won't answer the door without looking out the bedroom window first.

a stronger girl would shake this off in flight,
and never give it more than a frowning hour.
but you have let your heart decide.
loss has conquered you.

you need to know your friends
you need to know that
i'll be wavin my hand
watching you drown
watching you scream
quiet or loud

And forever isn't long enough
To get over giving so much up
To someone who will throw it all away
And a smile can only hide so much
And I choose death over your touch
I fell head over heels into my grave

today, dressed up in designer drugs
dedicated to the one i'll always love,
the one who really messed me up.

don't waste your time
speed up your breathing
just close your eyes
we'll hope it's not for nothing at all

Your holiness is gone
Sometimes love will make you sad
Until you know where you belong
You'll dream of what you never had

In my dreams we fly away from all the pain and school bell rings to a city that never sleeps and I can see you smile all day. And I can show you just how beautiful complications can be. From the roof top I can lean in close and whisper in your ear, "Can you see? It's not the same. The stars are spelling out your name. And the moon can only frown because it will never be as beautiful as you"

i'm not leaving this place
unless i'm leaving with you
'cause you're the only person
with a half-decent heart
and i know you'll put it to use.

i don't care if you leave or stay, but you
might as well split - because it's not the
same as it was when we said our last
goodbye. and if you want the truth:
i was hoping one of us would pass away
cause it'd be much easier then, we would
all get together and think about when
we were young, we were dumb,
we were numb but in love.

When I passed you in the doorway, you took me with a glance
I should have took that last bus home but I ask you for a dance

you were everything that's bad for me
make no apologies
i'm crushed, black and blue
but you know i'd do it all again for you

And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine

God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?

I don't know, is it me? am I imagining?
tell me, don't you feel anything,
when you're here lying beside me?
and now you're telling me
that it's late and you just gotta go
why is it that you only wanna leave
at the point that you think
that you might be falling in love

i feel like i've been losing you
each night it ends too soon.
you dont hold me like you used to,
& your eyes look like they've
seen too much. cause its always
some excuse, too tired too obtuse.
you look so far removed.

under one umbrella
just talking and joking
and i knew that i'd love you
for as long as you'd let me
and i haven't caught my breath
since the moment that we met

You make me wanna be somebody else
you make me wanna smoke a cigarette

if you are chilly, here, take my sweater.
your head is aching, i'll make it better.
cause i love the way you call me baby,
and you take me the way i am.

"why are you so far away?" she said. "why won't you ever know that i'm in love with you?"

is there a remedy for waiting for love's victorious return? is there a remedy for hating every second that i'm without you?

tonight my lungs are hanging
from a telephone wire,
choking on the broken
digits of a dial tone.

it's so hard to see when
your eyes are rolling in the back of your head
it's even harder to speak when
everything you say just comes out wrong.

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
Be the hand that lifts your viel
Be the moon that moves your tides
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheel that never rusts
Be the spark that lights you up
All you've been dreaming of
And more, so much more
I wanna be your everything

and when twilight turned darkness.
i was unsure of where to go.
the salt burns my skin,
and your eyes were cold as the ocean.

she's beautiful in her simple little way
she don't have too much to say when she gets mad
she understands she don't let go of anything
even when the pain gets too bad
guess i should've been more like that

this month i died a little every day
but i'll smile, just for you
so you don't have to see me this way

gave her a fraction of all i had to give
i guess i hold a grudge cause you still got my rib
with your beautiful eyes, unscrupulous lies
now watch the circus clown run around in circles and try
seems like all i get to meet is hope
girl, if we got along better, we'd be dope

she says that she still wants a friendship
she can't live her life without me as a friend
i can't figure out why i give a damn to what she wants
i don't understand the now before the then

I chased after sugary spoonfuls,
shot them down with bottles of rocket fuel.
I got the idea there wasn't a thing I couldn't do.
I got the idea that that I could stay ahead of wolves.

when you're staring at the ground
wishing that you didn't know
what i'm really thinking
you wont even look at me now
say you'll never leave
please

I swear to you, on everything I am,
And I dedicate to you all that I have,
And I promise you that I'll stand right by your side
Forever and always until the day I die.

"but, in a way, we're just closer being friends."
"you are? good. you are."
"we are, and if not, there's always the boomerangs."
"the boomerangs?
"yeah. you know the kind. you throw them out there into the world and they always come back to you."
"yeah, that's right."
"he bought us each one, and we promised never to throw them away. so no matter what happened, if we needed to, or wanted to, then we could still end up together."

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
'cause I will be the death of you.

the signal is subtle. we pass just close enough to touch.
no questions, no answers.
we know by now to say enough,
with only simple words. with only subtle terms.
the things we feel alone for one another.

I tried to tell you before I left
but I was screaming under my breath
you are the only thing that makes sense
just ignore all this present tense

we've seen the sunrise with new eyes,
we've seen the damage of gossip & true lies,
we've seen the sun go down.
had passionate makeouts & passionate freakouts,
we built this world on our own.
it was in the back of a taxi when
you told me you loved me & that i wasn't alone.

And in the absence of a lover, I find myself fishing in a harbor with my voice as bait. In a dingy with a hole and a busted engine so it looks like I'm sinking to the bottom of the sea. Yeah, I hear there's plenty of fish in the ocean, but let me tell you, it means nothing when you don't know how to swim.

maybe in five or ten, 'yours and mine' will meet again.
straighten this whole thing out.
maybe then honesty need not be
feared as a friend or an enemy.
but this is the distance and this is my gameface.

so you're taking these pills to fill up your soul.
and you're drinking them down with cheap alcohol
and i'd be inclined to be yours for the taking.
and be part of this terrible mess that you're making.

i left you in the morning still drunk on melodrama.
you're so pretty, so natural but i had to salvage honor.

this boy i know, he has a heart of glass.
it is gold inside but it has crystalized.
it is beautiful but in it's tragedy.
it is hard to hold without shattering.

walkin' to the south out of roanoke, i caught a trucker out of philly, had a nice long toke. but he's a headed west from the cumberland gap, to johnson city, tennessee. now i gotta get a move on before the sun. i hear my baby calling my name, and i know that she's the only one. and if i die in raleigh, at least i will die free.

if i could open my mouth wide enough for a
marching band to march out,
they would make your name sing.
and bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.

he calls so late tonight, it is 4 a.m.
he is drunk, he can't find his apartment.
i don't like how it feels when i think of him.
all hooded in black, lost and stumbling.

your eyes are brighter than the sun.
they make me see that you're the one.
your smile takes my breath away
and leaves me with nothing to say.

"what's worse, not getting everything you wished for
or getting it and finding out it's not enough?"

It was more work than it seemed, looking through a telescope, as the Earth was continually moving and you had to move along with it. You don’t realize how fast this actually happens, and it’s kind of both creepy and wonderful when you stop to think about it. And it makes you realize there is absolutely no way to avoid change. You can sit there and cross your arms and refuse it, but underneath you, things are still spinning away.

Well maybe I'm just scared, scared to let you go
I want you to know, right from hello
your love just kept me wondering
Well maybe I'm just tired, tired of never knowing
I know I'm not good enough for you

It's never, ever been better than this. I hung my shirt on the floorboard, wrinkled up from pulling, pushing, and tasting.

once again your eyes make it hard to ask you why
so i sit here knuckles tight. hands against the wheel
your head against the glass and you mean so much to me

i put one hand on your round ripe heart
and the other down your panties
everything is falling, dear.
everything is wrong.
it''s just history repeating itself.
and babe, you turn me on.

this happiness surpasses me,
just running up and down my spine.
whenever i'm around you,
my smile beings to shine.
the love i feel for you
is quite hard for anyone to find.
you're the one that I want to wake up next to.

we're one mistake from being together.
but let's not ask why it's not right.

she gets what she wants
and she breaks what she gets
get out while you can
or she'll tear you to pieces

And so should I and every other girl who is tired of playing their game by their rules. "Don't be too fat, or too thin, or too dark, or too light; don't be too sexual, or too chaste, or too smart, or too dumb." Be yourself. But make sure you fit in.

you just wanted a solution
you just wanted to be missed

and it is true what you said,
that i live like a hermit in my own head.
but when the sun shines again
i'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.

What in the world have I been up to? Gots a boyfriend! Nick! He's FANTASTIC. Undescribable fantastic. He makes me want to melt and die and float to heaven. I seriously can not explain how head over heels I am for him... Uhm, what else? Saw All Time Low, MAYDAY PARADE@(!), Just Surrencer, and Every Avenue a week ago, or two I mean. That was fun. Uhm.. I'm at a loss for things to say, so yeah..

Comments!! ((:

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 04:03:34 GMT

I AM SOOOO SO SORRY D:
I haven't updated in SO SO long..
SO SO SORRY!
I'm saving up for a big one, hopefully by Sunday.
I PROMISE.
For real.
I missed doing this. Things have been so good. <3

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 20:40:24 GMT

I said Wednesday, it's Sunday. Sorry. If these are repeats then I'm sorry, I can't remember.

you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawal of you
for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.

maybe one day we can meet face to face,
in a place without time and space.

you can spend the nights beside her
and you know that she's half-crazy
but that's why you want to be there

you could make my head swerve.
used to know my every curve.
and now we meet on a street,
and I am blind. I cannot find the heart I gave to you.

you sounded so good on the phone
all moved up and all moved on
me and gravity, we never could agree.
but I can almost see the sky
when I need to, I close my eyes
you're the only thing that's worth holding on to.

We'll be strangers. Who were lovers. I'll recover. It's so weird how time goes on.

I may be young,
But I know nothing really matters,
Except what’s in your heart.
No good, no bad, no wrong, no right.

Why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
Don't I give you what you need?
When she calls you to go
There is one thing you should know
We don't have to live this way
Baby, why don't you stay?

remember those posters that said:
Today is the first day of the rest of your life
Well, that's true of every day but one
the day you die.

but i can still pretend with my memories and photographs,
i have learned to love the lie

"You feel like taking off? Going for a ride in Bobby's van?" He asked her, and I could feel the dumb heat of it burning my face. I was just going to stand here and watch it happen. I wasn't going to say a fucking thing. Why? Because what did it matter? What did any of it matter?

And I swear I’ll know your face in a crowd.
And I’ll hear your voice so loud, even when you're whispering.

And I wonder when I sing along with you, If everything could ever feel this real forever, If anything could ever be this good again, the only thing I'll ever ask of you, you've got to promise not to stop when I say when .

all that was said, you can't forget.
everything said was not a threat.
memories like a camera,
capturing a photograph,
acting like a polygraph,
showing you where the heart is at.
what you give is not enough.
whatever you do, it's never enough.
all your heart, an empty cup.
all of the doors, completely shut.
i wanna be in your eyes again.

i've had you so many times
but somehow, i want more

it seems to me that we learn each other in stages: facts first, meanings later, like explorers who stumble on to bodies of water without knowing at first whether they've encountered fog-shrouded rivers or vast oceans. we press on until we know, but as we go something is lost: the new becomes old, and then taken for granted, and then forgotten.

Some people fall in love and touch the sky. Some people fall in love and find quicksand. I hover somewhere in between. I swear, I can't make up my mind.

i just want to relax,
i can't catch my breath.
because i'm sick and tired of
"you'll be fine"
well how do you know? can you read minds?
have you ever felt so lost inside,
so unloved within that you almost die?
have you ever stepped out of the light
and realized there's a stranger inside?

'i'm too much of a coward to kill myself,' she whispered. 'and too much of a coward to live.' she lifted her eyes. 'where do i go from here?'

i don't want to get over you. i guess i could take a sleeping pill, and sleep at will, and not have to go through what i go through. i guess i should take prozac, right, and just smile all night at somebody new. somebody not too bright, but sweet, and kind, who would try to get you off my mind. i could leave this agony behind, which is just what i'd do if i wanted to, but i don't want to get over you.

There are millions of people out there. But in the end it all comes down to one. I still panic sometimes, forget to breathe. But I know there's something beautiful in all my imperfections. A beauty in which he held out for me to see, a strength that can never be taken away. I remember the day we met. His smile, his touch. You can be anywhere when your life begins. When the future opens up in front of you and you may not even realize it at first but it's already happening.

And I am a writer, writer of fictions
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones

i should of started running a long long time ago. i never thought i'd doubt i'm better off without you. more than you know.

Waiting for the rain to stop.
Destination: beautiful.
Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun.
Someday will come back to us, if you're willing, let it go.
Why won't you just let this be your sun?

I'd say I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not. I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C Equals A, or whatever. I also don't have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. From what I can tell, either way, you're screwed. Bad people are punished by society's laws, and good people are punished by Murphy's Law. So you see my dilemma.

If I suddenly went blind,
would you still look in my eyes?
And what happenes when I grow old,
and all my stories have been told?
will your heart still race for me?
or will it march to a new beat?

this voice is stronger, this boy is grown
you'd better claim sticks and stones.
you better pray to God I choke.
these words will hurt you, haunt you
I've become a frivolous man,
in need of a goody-good time
I want a goody-good time,
I want a good time at your expense.

She met him a week after you left her
when you tossed out her touch to the garbage collector.
He talked her out of her skirt in his beer-soaked apartment
and then they did all the things
you never said that you wanted.
And the sirens are laughing underneath your skull.
And your thoughts are turning dull, callous and cold.
Yesterday you gave your burden a name.
Yesterday you gave your burden a face.
But your burden, it looks a lot like her.

I could stand to do without
all the people I have left behind
what's the point in going round
when it's a straight line?
and baby, it's a straight, straight line.

if i could shrink it down and put it in your hands
we made it hurt so much, i can't forget the past
just tell me what to say, show me what to do
then i could forgive me and i could forgive you
tell me about those nights you stayed awake
tell me about those days you hated me
tell me how you'd rather die alone
than being stuck here with me
and maybe you've fallen down
and maybe you took the long way home
but baby you could never love you like me
and one day this will fade away
in the mirror you'll see a smiling face
and standing next to you will always be me

"I was riding alone in the back of the limousine, feeling alone and lonely, and laughing to myself about the terrible night I'd had, thinking about the stupidity of it, of trying so hard to impress somebody, anybody, of just trying so hard to seem like I fit in."

She goes above and beyond her call of duty.
She is a slut but X thinks it's sexy.
Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti.
I am wasted but I'm ready.

then she looked me right square in the eye and said,
"every day i wake up, hoping to die..."

a near miss or a close call?
i keep a room at the hospital.
i scratch my accidents into the wall.
i couldn't wait to breathe your breath.
i cut in line, i bled to death.
i got to you when there was nothing left.

i've got your picture in my wallet
and your phone number to call it,
and i miss you more
whenever i think about you.
i've got your mixed tape in my walkman.
it's been so long since we've been talking.

i guess i could call you and ask you
"how are you?"
but i really don't have much to say.
i sit all alone and i stare at the phone
and i hope that you're doing okay.

You peer inside yourself.
You take the things you like.
And try to love the things you took.
And then you take that love you made
and stick it into someone else's heart.
Pumping someone else's blood.
And walking arm in arm.
You hope it don't get harmed.
But even if it does
you'll just do it all again.

It took a minute or two to gather all my neurotic thoughts
Before I started to talk way too loud
Loudly I thought to myself,
"God, how do I find myself here again and again?"
My same black eyes stare straight ahead as
I took my time with a cigarette.
Fair enough, I'm still in love with the false hope of us stabbed inside my chest
Let me tell you all about it...

the true love in your eyes
is stronger when they are closed

love never hurt so bad
she's bruised and betrayed
she's bitter and she's mad
she's on a mission
better watch your back
'cause hell has no fury like that

At a stoplight in the middle of the night,
Stuck in first and I wonder if I should stay
The right is history and to my left the choice is right
But this seems a little bit too hard
And all the questions come running through my mind -
will I see this another way?
The simple truth is I'm falling, falling down, and I don't want
to drag her through the bottom

she doesnt have a flame,
she'd prefer to burn out like a torch.
if she gets nowhere in life,
at least she knows she's pretty.

all this wishing i were dead is getting old... it goes on but it's old.

i can't let go, i can't move on from the past.
without lifting a finger you're holding me back.

we're both pretty sure neither one can tell.
we seem difficult, what we got is hard as hell.
a hundred thousand words
could not quite explain,
so i walk you to your car,
and we can talk it out in the rain.

i'd rather die than need this
if i could just hold off tonight
by tomorrow you'll be gone
and i'll be alright, alright

close enough to feel
all the good you give
but i want something new
i'll be lost with you
you're not safe with me

I used to say, "Just follow your heart,"
but my heart always led me in circles.
I used to say, "Just follow your dreams,"
but my dreams always led me to murder.

I used to smile a lot and talk about love,
now I'm all alone and my hair is long.
So long, I'll see you in a month or two.
Don't write to me.
I won't write about you.

take the pain out of Love
and then Love won't exist

"He's a romantic at heart. Not the greeting card kind, or the Harlequin paperback version, but the type who thinks, deep down, that things matter, that art can change lives."

Do you think I've changed?
I swear, I never tried.
Memory is a terrible thing
if you use it right.

"You're just conforming to someone else's code. Even though you don't wear khakis or sweaters or whatever, but to me all you guys look the same. You think you're so individualistic, but you're not. You're like anti-snob snobs. But you're just as mean as the preppy kids.You're all just as fucking lame."

someday somebody's gonna ask you,
a question that you should say yes to.
once in your life.

"Most of the time, I was a shy kid and I was afraid what I said sounded stupid, so I hardly ever said anything. I was the third wheel. Fifth wheel? I was the fucking wheel you didn't really need, but I still hung around. I thought maybe my silence would one day impress somebody. As of yet, it hadn't done much for me."

Sometimes I wonder why,
I'm so full of these endless rhymes
About the way I feel inside
I wish I could just get it right

and I've made myself the fool
who's fallen for you
so let me down softly this time and
I wont have to come back cryin'
I've just made myself look bad and
you're the one who should be feelin' bad
it'd be better to forget you
but I don't really want to

Never is a promise,
And I'll never need a lie.

you're a door-without-a-key, a field-without-a-fence
you made a holy fool of me, and I've thanked you ever since
if she comes circling back, we'll end where we'd begun
like two pennies on the train track the train crushed into one
or if I'm a crown without a king, if I'm a broken, open seed
if I come without a thing, I come with all I need
no boat out in the blue, no place to rest your head
the trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead

I feel her breath, it slides down my neck
Yeah, yeah, we sweat to the rhythm that we make.
Make love. Hate yourself. But, baby, I'm all yours, yeah.

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us,
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust,
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here.

easy gilm if you die then too so shall i and i'll lay next to you in that grave side by side.

cry yourself to sleep
'cause I am strong and you are weak
wait, you are strong, and I am weak
fuck - just cry yourself to sleep

it's hard to laugh and cry,
live and die every night

You only stay with me in the morning,
You only hold me when I sleep,
I was meant to tread the water,
But now I've gotten in too deep

When you ask "Do you love me?"
I should reply with "Yes, most certainly."
I always hesitate,
There's something lingering.
I will try harder to be all that I can be.

the quiet can scrape all the calm from your bones,
but maybe it should, maybe we need to be hollowed
to get up and grow, and stop fucking around,
to kick off our braces and start straightening out

And this is the epitome of everything you see in the movies.
And this world is a time bomb ticking and I think that I could stop it if you help me.

i remember the times we spent together on those drives. we had a million questionsa all about our lives. and when we got to new york, everything felt right. i wish you were here with me tonight.

she opens her heart to an old memory.
she closes her eyes and she smiles.
just ask her if she ever still thinks about me.
and she'll say, "every once in a while."

i never pictured every minute without you in it,
oh, you left so fast,
sometimes i see you standing there
sometimes it's like i'm losing touch
sometimes i feel i'm so lucky to
have had the chance to love this much
god, give me moments grace
cause if i'd never seen your face
i probably wouldn't be this way

she's giving boys what they want.
tries to act so nonchalant.
afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.

i'm recording our history now on my bedroom wall,
and eventually, the landlord will come
and paint over it all.

We fight all the time, you and I, that's alright,
We're the same soul.
I don't need, I don't need to hear you say,
That if we weren't so alike,
You'd like me a whole lot more.

how can you ask for me to stay, when all you ever do is go?

will we last through the winter?
will we make it to see?
i never wanted a partner,
and i never loved you.
now you are free to leave.
this heart is already frozen,
i can't remember the fall.
and if i last through the winter,
i swear to you now, i won't call.

why cant we see forever? our differences will bring us together hiding truths that made us unstable now i regret every moment i forgave you

When it got cold outside, smoke beneath the playground lights.
If you're coming home, just let me know.
Sucking on your breath mint, dissected and stuck with pins.
A film in her eyes from the glow.

i have a hard time remembering all the things that i should remember
and a hard time forgetting the all things that i am supposed forget.

because tonight will be the last night
that you'll ever see my pretty eyes.
and you can finally sleep without your telephone ringing.
and you can finally be better, better without me.

i am inside your head.
now i'm inside your mouth.
i will use you.
i am inside your head.
you try to get me out,
but i consume you.

when you get sober
will you get kinder?
cause when you get uptight,
it's such a drag.

i never told you to
i never think about you
i never holded you
i forget how to
i never cared about you
i never saw that in you
i never loved you

my empty promises led to our demise
and i could never tell you how i really feel
and for that,
i eternally apologize

And I finally found that life goes on without you,
And my world still turns when you're not around.

everyone always disappoints me
but you have never let me down.
if there ever was a time that i needed you,
then baby i need you right now.

you said you were ready.
but you weren't as ready as i.

say that you're in control
say that you are
i can't think of a time when
you looked less alive

why am i so cold?
and my heart feels sick
and it hurts when i speak
and this is not what i hoped for

you hold on to your secrets
and I'm not privy to what is on your mind
but I can't help but feel tired

and "you'll be sorry" isn't that what they'll say?
don't follow your heart 'cause it just seems to get in your way
and dont ever leave here and mope at you lesuire and straighten out your
crease dear and truth is in a tall beer

"smile for the camera sweet heart,
i really want to immortalize this moment."
but just remember the first step
in forgetting is destroying
all the evidence.
with friends like you who needs subtext.

and you'll insist that you were right
when the facts show you were wrong
i'm holding my ground
you think this is some sort of game
and you need to get your story straight,
right now.

i swear that if i could,
i'd take it all, take it all away
all the sorrow and the pain
i'm not responsible, you always say
but you need your space
and this always ends the same
hey, is your heart still beating?
i can't stop the bleeding
i've lost you completely

i might seem lifeless
but i'm not dead
help me pick up the pieces
so i can find you again

Take my heart, take my eyes,
Cause I'll need them no more.
If never again they'll fall upon,
The one I so adore

Excuse me please,
one more drink.
could you make it strong,
cause i don't need to think he
broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on.

With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one? But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.

Shake it off. Pick yourself up, they say. Your life fell apart in your hands, and you’ve got the scars to prove it. It’s not the first time, and they’re getting deeper. Pull it together. Button up your shirt. Roll down those sleeves. Don’t let them see how you’ve coped. More and more your demeanor looks like quicksand. It seems like your giving up on everything you worked for. It’s pulling you under. It’s gripping around your throat. Life can be overwhelming, but don’t turn your back on the strongest crutch you’ve ever had. They have always been there to brace your fall. Wave goodbye to the past. You’ve got your whole life to lead. It’s time to gain some ground.

Between the support groups and the clinic, Marla told me she had met alot of people who were dead
These people were dead and on the other side and at night, they called on the telephone.

Don't believe everything happiness says
Nothing feels better then hiding these days
We bury our fears in the drinks in these tears
For the days we believed we could fly.

if you really need me, i'm only going to let you down.

i've seen this all before.
things shouldn't have gone this far.
we shouldn't have gotten so close.

this for every thing you never told me.
this is for every last call in new jersey,
two words that i hate more than you.
this is for giving up and never leaving.

i've been dying to know if you ever think about a better way you could've ended this,
if you ever think of me.
i guess it hurts the most to see the way you live,
when i think about the life i could've given you.

he had eyes bright enough to burn me.
they reminded me of yours.

i'm never alone, i'm alone all the time
are you at one, or do you lie?
we live in a wheel where everyone steals
but when we rise, it's like strawberry fields
if i treated you bad, you bruise my face
couldn't love you more, you got a beautiful taste
don't let the days go by
could have been easier on you
i coudn't change, though i wanted to

Oh I've been a bad person.. But I don't care, I enjoyed it.. And he was so fucking attractive.. Oh the things that I've done, oh the thing that I'm turning into. :/

Merry Christmas, I'm getting an iPhone! Oh I can't wait, I'm going through withdrawl of texting since my slvr took a shit. I love texting <3

Comment and subscribe? ily

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 19:36:51 GMT

Shit comments.. :/ (ty you three who did..).. No update until Wednesday.. Maybe get the comments up?

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 21:57:26 GMT

I slack too much with the updates, I'm sorry. ): And if there's any repeats, sorry about that too..

Last night we dressed to our best,
and drank til there was nothing left.
I walked you home. You held my hand.
We fucked away the rest of the night.

Always asking a question
And I don't want to know
Like the wind across strings
That had finally let go
And the people you love
But you didn't quite know
They're the places that you wanted to go

I want to lay back down and hope my eyes don’t open up
I want to let you to know
I’m not quite over you
I know you love me too
But what’s with these drugs we do?
I know you’re in the news
You know I’m in the news
Let’s just forget our names
And hope that we don’t catch the blues

We'll never fly again
I penned notes on sheets when I couldn't sleep
And rolled around in those words until covered in ink
If you could see me now, you could read me now
I've been cursed with puzzles and poems
Piecing each together, words to bring you home
If you could hear this now, you could hear me now

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."

There's a place in my heart that won't kiss you goodbye
that can't accept the truth that things aren't working out as planned.
It's so hard to admit that I drove you away with
all this negativity, this anger every day.
Your heart doesn't belong to me.
Your heart doesn't belong to me.
I know I don't have the right to bug you with how this feels,
its just the hardest thing I've been through,
nothings ever felt so real.

We never really had a chance.
We never really make it through .
And to think I believed,
I believed I could get better with you .
Hey the closer we think we are,
Well it only got us so far.
Have you got anything left to show?
No no I didn't think so..

Just let me go, for now I'll be just fine.
Don't ya know? Don't ya know?
Now that I'm back on my own..
Tell me how it feels
to watch the walls of your security crumble.
I remember you.
You took the easy way out
when I gave you something to stand for.
I was just another promise you couldn't keep.

One more time, just enough to ease my mind.
Everything's fine, when it's only you and I...
And I cry because loss like this doesn't make sense.
I try, but I just can't grasp why...
Waste the whole night away.
I don't know what to say. Disregard everything.
I just can't feel anything.

Take me out and bury me
In the smallest confines of my backyard
Sweetheart, I'm apologetic
But not sorry in the slightest
Take this drink, take this trip
I saw us on the Sunset Strip
A straight line to what we know
Let's see how far we let this go

You don't have to deal with the dealers.
Let your boyfriend deal with the dealers.
It only gets inconvenient
when you want to get high alone.

Take my hand, don't let go,
but please remember, hearts can grow.
We still have to take it slow.
I love with caution and trust, alone.
I'm not ready to swim, I'm not going to sink.
I just want to fucking see.
Are you holding me down?
Are you holding me up?
Or are you slowly drowning me?

You said, 'My life's like a bad movie,'
And I said, 'That's true of all us.'
You said, you said, 'I've got to wake up so fucking early,'
And I said, 'Maybe the directors turned on us.'
Don't say no to pills, Ativan won't kill.

We'll try and ease the pain
But somehow we'll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go

Making the most of a bad time, I'm smoking the brains from my head. Leaving the coal calling the kettle black and orange and red.. This kettle is seeing red. I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling. In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying.

I don't mind the lack of color that rests around her features but I loathe the love we had when love was something easier. Lovely are you lost in these carouseling thoughts? Tired of never knowing where to stand..

On the street with a cigarette on the first night we met.. Look to the past and remember and smile, and maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile. I'm not in the scene, I think I'm fallin' asleep.. But then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you.

And you know it's not so easy when you're all alone,
And I wonder if I'm alone in your head.
I know something is wrong,
I just don't know what to do.
You say it's only me, and, that I'm so perfect for you.
I don't want to try no more,
I don't want to make this right.

Every word you never said echoes down your empty hallway. And everything that was your world just came down.

With one last touch I'll slice your chest. And this time, I'll wear your heart on my sleeve as my defense.

This distance, this dissolution
I cling to memories while falling
Sleep brings release, and the hope of a new day
Waking the misery of being without you

fast forward just three days ago
i had it all and i let it go
another reeckless night and i hurt you again
and after the fifth or sixth drink
i didn't care what you would think
am i guilty of lust? i'll plead the fifth

i don't want no romance.
just grab me with your hands
and leave when i'm done

The best is when you say the worst is over
It's like saying we had luck with a 3 leaf clover
And you kept saying that over and over
And I still catch you looking over your shoulder
And it's okay.
I know the only times you really loved me
Were the times you weren't sober.

standing around the shops with thieves,
"But somebody's got to make it!" she screams,
"So why why can't it be me?"
But she would die if we heard her
sing from the heart which is hurt.

And April showers bring May flowers
And I hope that June brings you
So you can break my heart by mid-July
And I'm looking forward to October
When I know you'll let me down all over
It's all you ever do

please, be kind, don't drop the rock on me
don't go outside and discover that you like being free
'cause if you did, you'd be dropping the rock on me.

i promise to call if you promise not to cry
cause every tear you waste on me
isn't worth the air i breathe
can you hear me scream your name?
hear me from a thousand miles away

baby don't you try and hold my hand
maybe you should keep your eyes on your new girlfriend

And the coastline is quiet,
while we're quietly losing control.
And we're silent but sure we invented the cure
that will wash out my memories of him.

i don't want to see you anymore,
i'm just not that strong
i love it when you're here,
but i'm better when you're gone

And someone else's light will take my place,
and though I'm getting used to the aftertaste,
you know I miss your eyes…
I miss your face.

"I can't tell him how much I hate the music on his radio, how familiar lazy days, loud guitars, and slow, stoned laughter are to me. I've known all this since I was a kid, but to him it was new and fresh, a real risk."

but love is not these belongings that surround you
though there's meaning in the memories they hold
a breaking heart in an empty apartment
was the loudest sound i never heard

she's giving boys what they want
tries to act so nonchalant
afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction
she never stays the same for long
assuming that she'll get it wrong
perfect only in her imperfection

beyond the ridge to the left, you asked me what i want
between the trees and cicadas singing round the pond
"i spent an hour with you, should i want anything else?"

they say that drinkin' will kill you,
the same thing with rollin' smoke
that's two of the three things i like most.

maybe ours is the cause of all mankind: get loved, make more, try to stay alive.

when you're close to tears remember
someday it'll all be over
one day we're gonna get so high
though it's darker than december
what's ahead is a different colour
one day we're gonna get so high

flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade.
they have their season, so do we.
but please promise me that sometimes,
you will think of me.

maybe he'll change if you could be better.
but maybe it's not your fault he's checkin' out the waitress now, but someday, you'll change. one day, you're stronger and you will have changed enough. and it's time to get out.
you need that boy like a bowling ball
dropped on your head, which means not at all.
you have too much to give,
to live to waste your time on him.

now things are coming clear
and i don't need you here
and in this world around me
i'm glad you disappeared
so i'll stay out all night
get drunk and fuck and fight
until the morning comes i'll
forget about our life

you just can't relax and you can't rely on anyone for anything. so you make your complaints and all everyone's let you down. you just can't ever win. convinced there's a war on, it's always everybody versus you. convinced that your critics are watching and you've always got something, you've always got something to prove.

throwing all my calls away,
you don't need me, you don't need me.
drink at night and sleep all day,
well i don't need you,
i don't need you.

i'm sorry i even tried.
i was a fool to have hope in you.

so is it worth this time?
am i done in your mind?
will i regret once you're gone?
why did i ever think that we would,
we would be good?

forever isn't long enough to get over
giving so much up to someone
who will throw it all away
and a smile can only hide so much.
i choose death over your touch,
i fell head over heels into my grave

remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
remember, cause that's all you can do.

we're causing accidents, me and you. where does a promise go when you pretend it isn't there? do we really think that it could just disappear?

oh my god, a winter for a year
and I cleaned out the back
of my wardrobe for a year
jackets never turn into branches,
not while you're not here

"its not that i dont love you anymore,
but it would be much more accurate to say that
i never loved you in the first place."

and all at once it became clear to me that
you're allergic to honesty
and you don't even have a friend around
and so my lust is just convenient now

i've been walking around all day thinking.
i think i have a problem,
i think i think too much.
i've been tought to hold back
my tears and avoid them,
but you've made pain into
something i could touch.

i have come to the realization that life is more than what i have accomplished. and life is more then the realization that we have accomplished nothing at all. true success is so selfless so drown in the lyrics of your life and give up the air that you breathe.
you don't need anything.

caught up in life, losing all my friends
family has tried, to heal all my addictions
tragic it seems, to be alone again
i'm giving in to you

and honestly if i'm honest with myself,
i hate the song they sing.
it's like salt on an open wound,
but i can't get it out of my head.

well, it takes one to know one, kid.
i think you've got it bad.

So I sleep on it, and dream on it
And hope to find the reason on this day
That I can breakaway
And start over, but I'm not so sure
That this one will be different than the last
And I can leave all of those winters in the past

I know you'd rather see me gone
Than to see me the way that I am
But I am in the life anyway

and if you ask me if i love him
i'd lie.

well, can't you just leave me alone?
you've already thrown all the sticks
and stones you had to send my way.
well, can't you just leave it at that
and spare us both the bother?
because i just bounce back anyway.

let's turn the record over.
your life's a pleasant valley.
moonlight drives.
a garden in the sun.
your shadow stays behind me,
graceful as a dancer in a ballet.

i waited for a bus to separate the both of us,
and take me off, far away from you
'cause my feelings never change a bit.
i always feel like shit.
i don't know why. i guess that i just do.
you once talked to me about love,
and you painted pictures of a never never land
and i could have gone to that place.

and now i realize you never heard
one goddamn word i ever said

tuxedo on, i'm ready for gun war.
i've never bled so hard after casino brawl.
and pull the knife from my ever bleeding heart,
tell me now your words never meant me harm.
on my way to the ritz to meet with you.
so much time, so little left to do.
i pay the bill, now my fears have come true.
this table for one was always meant for two.

when you walk i will follow
when you fall i'll pick you up
but when you give up,
i'll let you.

Don't need no drugs, you're my chemical.
Now I'm dependant, swear I'm chronical.
Addicted to those glances, taking changes tonight.
I need a fix in those heroine eyes.

i drink good coffee every morning
comes from a place that's far away
and when i'm done i feel like talking
without you here there is less to say
i don't want you thinking i'm unhappy
what is closer to the truth,
that if i lived till i was 102
i just don't think i'll ever get over you

it's the glove that fits that you wear.
so when the wind blows strong
i put a few more layers on.
and i tell myself i don't care.

i give and i give and i give and i give and
i'm still lost and hurt and bone thin from the
love that's been starved

you said we'd leave next year
each year for thirteen years
each year, it gets harder to hear
it's getting hard enough just to stay in love

I only had one night to keep you for myself,
But you were made for something better, bigger than my hell.

and i told myself it's better
if we only talk in letters.
you broke my heart.

And I suppose I should decide what I can do with all your clothes and closets full of all the places you and I will never go. Is it misguided that I can recall the day you left my bed?

and you're not here
and i can't stop pretending
that you're forever mine
and i can't dream anymore since you left
i miss you singing me to sleep

i just want to be not what i am today.
i just want to be better than my friends might say.

And don't worry if laughter is on your lips, because you wouldn't be you if you changed for this. And I won't measure love from the tears that drip from your face.I can't wait for you. I can't wait for you. I suppose I should hope that it turns out fine, but I hope that some sadness does cross your mind and you'll look for me when you have crossed that line. Come one day. I can't wait for you.

the room still looks like you.
it's a mess and all the pictures on the shelf
are dusted off by someone else
to keep me company.
i haven't told him that your thought still lingers on.

we'll do this every year
'till Christmas finds you here.
i hope you remember,
come next december,
you can come home

And it just wont let you go
But memories fade
Yeah they're designed that way
He doesnt love you anymore
Maybe he did long ago
You're just a slave to the grind that he grew tired of baby

i've been doing fine without you, really
up until the nights got cold
everybody's here except you, baby
seems like everyone's got someone to hold
but for me it's just a lonely time
cause there were christmases when you were mine

i hold it all when i hold you.

I like long walks and sci-fi movies,
if you're six foot tall and east-coast bred.
Some lonely night we can get together
and I'm gonna tie your wrists with leather
and drill a tiny hole into your head.

I need new friends. >_< But whatever.. Oh I just thought of.. Today in school we were fucking around on the computers and we went on Google Earth and at a neighboring school someone apparently.. Cut or.. Chisled.. Or carved lmao, whatever, a penis into their football feild (.. in real life, not like on Google Earth or anything..), and the fact you could see it from Google Earth was hilarioussss.. /end random story

And now I need to go get my ass making layouts. Subscribe HERE if you haven't already! :p

Comment's are lovely <3

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 21:31:12 GMT

Ahsfioahfiosa. Christmas is in like a month and I'm so pumped. =).. Update time.

I spent a year quietly dying while he let go and ignored me. And I'm sure that there are reasons for everything that happens. And absence leads to adoration, yeah, it's nobody's fault.

and you're talking these things through
like you know what youve been through
but theres not a lot of reason
in the things we believe in
so ill believe in you.

You ended it with lets be friends. You promised we would talk and hang out. I said it wouldn't work, you persisted. Now you can't look me in the eye. Tell me, once again, are you living up to what you said?

I talk too much about you
Their ears are getting tired of me singing all the night through
Lets just talk together
You and me and me and you
And if theres nothing much to say
Well, silence is a bore

I love you and I probably always will. But, we go days without having a meaningful conversation. And, I used to miss you so much when that happened. But it never seemed like you missed me, and I guess because of it, I stopped missing you.

Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying.
I feel like dying

and i know how you've hurt
and been dragged through the dirt
but c'mon, get back up
it's the time to live

You are losing me,
Let's look at it that way.
Just think about everything,
You'll be kicking yourself someday.

Because I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by. All those summers singing, drinking, laughing, wasting our time. Remember all those songs and the way we smiled, in those basments made of music. But now I've got to crawl, to get anywhere at all. I'm not as strong as I thought. So when I'm lost in a crowd, I hope that you'll pick me out.

i love you, but i'm gonna keep quiet about it
i love you but i'm keeping
my mouth shut about it

The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think
it’s more than just bad luck

I can't sleep enough
I can still taste what I drank
And no one's keeping up
"What's that mean? What's that mean?"

I came here to make you dance tonight,
I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you.

Do you feel
The weight of the world singing sorrow?
Or to you is it just not real?
Cause you got your own things,
Yeah we all have our things, I guess.

Now, let's take it back to January,
An overflowing heart, an empty wallet scene.
Some wheels and a guitar yeah, you think we're crazy
Driving on the ways of the high and free.
And so we just hold on.

With pennies to my name,
I remember thinking,
"I can't sleep, but she's loving me."

i believe in the sand beneath my toes
the beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling
i believe in the faith that grows
and the four right chords can make me cry
when i'm with you i feel like i could die
and that would be all right

i sadly stood my ground
thinking life's just like that elevator
it takes you up and brings you down

it's a beautiful landscape.
the sunset makes the coast look so clear.
it's the kind that makes your heart break,
but no one has those kind of problems here.

the wolf has found a way to lead this foolish flock of sheep astray, and the clouds make fearful noises and slowly turn black and shake. the darkness comes around you. the dark has come to take and it will cut the life right from you and leave you standing in the rain with no where left to run to, and no one left to love you but the pain.

with each second that ticks your voice
rings in my ears and the memories
flood back from all of our years.
and i tell you its ok, there's nothing to fear.
and i secretly hope i am right.

i left you last week and you told me,
"go on and follow your dreams,"
i think about that lately, still i don't know what it means becuase you're what i dream of when i wake alone, as i drift away as we talk on the phone, you're what i want and that's all i know and i still just can't wait to get home

i woke up to my cold sheets
and the smell of new jersey.
when do i get to wake up to you?
today i can't forget that i've got these open wounds.
it's such a drag. i can't forget you've gone.
my ribs have parted ways. they said,
"we're not going to protect this heart you have."

but you love someone else
but you want to be with someone else
and i can't believe how dumb i sound
and i will put my face over the ground
and love you

i guess you get used to somebody,
kinda like having them around.
i guess you get used to the way they make you happy,
bring you up when you're feeling down.
i never dreamed when i was letting you go
that i would wake up and miss you this much.
i guess you get used to somebody,
i guess you get used to being loved.

i want to kill him.
i want to cut his brain.
and when it's over,
i know i'll feel okay.

it's not my weight
that makes me faint
or the sugar in my blood.
but the way these strangers stand so close.
they say my name like a guessing game,
"is that really you?"
no, i don't think it ever was.

a few summers ago,
we spent weeks in her room
just having sex and listening to jazz
and that was the life.

that was the last time i ever saw him,
through a shop window, sleeves to his elbows.
i walked past and kept on walking
and lit a smoke with my hands shaking.

she was sitting on a swing and dangling
her feet like the leaves of a tree.
i think i heard her singing.
we're still out at 10 in the evening.
i knew her in the way that i knew not to speak.
quietly took a seat and thought
i'd stay for a week.

tonight the bay's a pane of glass.
let's break it.
our bodies ache to swim,
so let's swim.
we're drunk enough to dull the cold.
take off all the clothes, let's go.

so you think it out on paper, hypothetical and safer.
while she's thumbing through her catalogues,
picking birthday cards, her favorite stars.
I guess she's lonelier than you.

a feel good revolution
cigarettes and my closest friends
tell myself that i have to remember this
i have to remember this

Now I'm drunk as hell on a piano bench. And when I press the keys it all gets reversed. The sound of loneliness makes me happier.

What good are promises
If nobody honors them?
And so we never ask why,
Don't say anything nice,
And don't talk if we meet on the field,
Because I want you to know
That I let it all go,
Even if you never did.

I fear that you would never be
Every song in the world for me.
I took your hand, led you astray.
You cursed the worlds I longed to save.

Hey, unfaithful, I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger
Hey, ungraceful, I will teach you
To forgive one another
Hey, unfaithful, I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger
Hey, unloving, I will love you

I've since forgotten the songs,
but not the way you used to sing them.

The dead hand of the past only wishes to control your future.

So back off, so back down to basics now.
We' live and learn somehow.
When the truth comes out sooner or later.
Sooner or later.
But I'm already gone.

I live in notes and photographs
and everything I'm holding back
but you're the words that weren't enough
you remind me of a song I used to love.

do you even know how much it hurt, that you gave up on me to be with her? revenge is sweeter than you ever were.

Changes fill my time,
Baby, that's alright with me
In the midst I think of you,
and how it used to be.

this hate has nothing to do with you.
i hate myself for letting it get this far, once again.
i could have prevented this harm,
but living in sin keeps us warm.

expectations will not be held as high.
it's not the same.
you are not mine.

you overthink things. you say,
"what if we're not meant to be?"
well you know what, so what?
make a mistake with me.

Somebody once asked me, "Are you alone?",
when I was out with a large group of friends.
I took a step back and replied,
"The loneliest I've ever felt."

Alone on the train, you're running towards or maybe away from a reason to wake each morning. Your thoughts again drift towards us and what we have and haven't become. Your head shakes and you think "never again." It's true what they say about fools who leave too soon, they don't ever really move on. Put your hand in your bag and pull out the Carver book you grabbed before leaving. And then you realize in this too she was right. You make an excuse, you make up a lie. So what's left of your soul like the best friend you just sold to sleep easy at night. It's true what they say about fools who speak too soon, they don't ever really know what they're getting into or out of. You're on your way, the taste of blood from a bitten tongue. You're in need of some new teeth that won't cave in.

"I'm not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit and affects a jolly demeanor. You know, I... I... I'm a symbol. I'm a symbol of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives. If... you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed for a life dominated by doubt."

it's a picture-perfect evening and
i'm staring down the sun
fully loaded, deaf and dumb and done
waiting for sedation to disconnect my head
or any situation where i'm better off than dead

I still feel you
Beneath my skin
I am tempted
To throw my senses in

because i can,
because no one can stop me,
because it makes up for things i lost
to feel your tug at my soul
the sting of your gaze over my face

while my mother waters plants,
my father loads his gun.
he says death will give us back to god.
just like the setting sun.

money cant buy you
back the love
that you had
then

if i could take one thing back
i would write the perfect song for you
you would have never left
and if the chords progress
the way i mapped them out
they will wipe your tears away and all your doubts
cause it's always been for you

no more kissing clocks or
throwing coins into wishing wells
to try and fix the way i fucked myself.
when it's finally here, it's never enough
and when it's finally gone,
it's never coming back.
somehow i fooled myself into believing
that this would work out,
that i wouldn't end up hurt.

You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You were always crazy like that
I watched from my window,
always felt I was outside looking in on yous
You were always the mysterious one
with dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees

Sunbeam, stop tugging me
Pull that door shut quietly
Darling, what are you doing?
We don't have time for this

Close the door and leave me inside.
I'll miss the fireworks burning in those eyes.
Remember the songs that we used to sing?
Come August I'll still be singing.
Don't be the one to fall out of line.
Watch the blue roses fall from your hands.
Remember summer when all had second chances?

And I know that it's not a party
if it happens every night
pretending there's glamour and candelabra
when you're drinking by candlelight

a crowded room, friends with tired eyes
i'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
my god, i thought you were someone to rely on
me? i guess i was a shoulder to cry on
a face on a lover with a fire in his heart
a man undercover, but you tore me apart

I want to be forgotten,
and I don't want to be reminded.
You say , "please don't make this harder."
No, I won't yet.

Scattered shadows on a wall,
you watch the long light fall
Some impressions stay and some will fade
Tattered shoes outside your door,
clothes all on the floor
Your life feels like the morning after
all year long.

i’m frozen in one place, staring at the screen
listening to the rain falling on the street
some days go on too long
cause no, no one can hang out tonight

and i find that life is easier when it's just a blur
with no details to confuse who or what or where i was

I'm so beat today.. I just want to go to sleep, I've been up and moving since 8, but nope.. Party toinght I decorated all today, love Christmas so much. My friend's attempting to hook me up with some kid she knows, so that's fantastic.. Mike called me out of nowhere a few days ago, started with his whole "How are you" blah blah talked for 15 minutes until I asked "Well what about you, how have you been? Peachy?" (Don't ask about the peachy..) "No.." but I didn't ask why, I don't know if I wanted to know.. But whatever! Now I need to go stop being a scumbag and shower.

Comments have been fantastic lately <3